It's 1:30 a.m. and I just woke up from a midnight nap. I'd told myself I was *not* going to fall asleep on my couch once again...but I swear that love seat just sucked me in!
I decided to check my email one last time before dragging myself to bed and I was surprised to see that both Mark and Terrell both wrote me back a few hours ago...just about 15 minutes apart from one another.
I went for Mark's email first. It was sweet--like the first one--and I decided that I've completely forgiven him for making me wait the first time. Mark mentioned that his schedule is super-busy for the next few weeks, as is mine, so it sounds like this thing will remain over email for a while. I'm good with that. It'll give us some time to see if this could be something.
Terrell's email was shocking:
I can completely understand what you are looking for. I guess I am really looking for a no strings attached sexual relationship, or to fall in love! (I know completely different sides of the spectrum) I have been in a long term and wonderful relationship before, so I know how good that can be, unfortunately I don't think that right now I am in the position in life to commit myself to something which requires that much attention.
I can understand if that is not what you are looking for. It is only a phase I am in now and not ideal I know. Just wanted to be honest from my end.
- Terrell
I can't get over the fact that I misread him so completely--and I'm sure my girlfriends will be surprised as well. Each girl told me individually after the event that they thought this guy was perfect for me. Man, out of all of the guys in the room that night, he definitely wouldn't have been the one I would have pegged for being in it for sex...but I guess I was wrong.
Ick! I'm speechless.
- L
Showing posts with label speed dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speed dating. Show all posts
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
what I'm looking for
So, Terrell’s email on Sunday night really got me thinking about what I’m looking for. I guess that if I’m going to have a blog about dating…I should probably be able to answer that pretty easily.
I stopped to think about my past relationships; what they lacked, why they didn’t work out…and everything boiled down to a single word: Companionship
To me, that word always conjures up images of an old unmarried couple that is, like, always together because they treasure their relationship, but don’t want to mess things up by getting married. Strange visual, I know.
This is not what I mean.
Basically, I realized that every single one of my past relationships lacked the strong foundation of a committed friendship which is why they, ultimately, failed. There was nothing to fall back on when the passion was over, or the when the arguments got a little too personal and hit way too close to home. There were never those deep connections and thoughts that—you know, no matter what the circumstance—I’ll truly be there for you. I’ve had these connections in several platonic guy-friendships, but never with a boyfriend. Strange, I know.
What I’m looking for is a companion, an amazing friendship…that is so much more than just a friendship. I want someone to share my life with.
So, in an attempt to not scare the boy off, this was part of my response to Terrell on Monday:
As far as relationships go, I think that I'm really just looking for companionship. And, while that word may have some intense/negative connotations, I guess I just mean that I'm looking for someone to hang out with & explore the city with, cook dinner with occasionally, go to movies with, grab coffee with, talk with, etc. I'm interested in building a good foundation and seeing where the relationship goes.
I think that in some of my previous relationships, I got caught up in the idea of "being in the relationship" or "being with" the other person that the foundational part was seriously lacking.
I don’t know if/how he’ll respond, but I think it’s the most honest I could’ve been with a boy that I dated for 5 minutes. Take it or leave it.
- L
I stopped to think about my past relationships; what they lacked, why they didn’t work out…and everything boiled down to a single word: Companionship
To me, that word always conjures up images of an old unmarried couple that is, like, always together because they treasure their relationship, but don’t want to mess things up by getting married. Strange visual, I know.
This is not what I mean.
Basically, I realized that every single one of my past relationships lacked the strong foundation of a committed friendship which is why they, ultimately, failed. There was nothing to fall back on when the passion was over, or the when the arguments got a little too personal and hit way too close to home. There were never those deep connections and thoughts that—you know, no matter what the circumstance—I’ll truly be there for you. I’ve had these connections in several platonic guy-friendships, but never with a boyfriend. Strange, I know.
What I’m looking for is a companion, an amazing friendship…that is so much more than just a friendship. I want someone to share my life with.
So, in an attempt to not scare the boy off, this was part of my response to Terrell on Monday:
As far as relationships go, I think that I'm really just looking for companionship. And, while that word may have some intense/negative connotations, I guess I just mean that I'm looking for someone to hang out with & explore the city with, cook dinner with occasionally, go to movies with, grab coffee with, talk with, etc. I'm interested in building a good foundation and seeing where the relationship goes.
I think that in some of my previous relationships, I got caught up in the idea of "being in the relationship" or "being with" the other person that the foundational part was seriously lacking.
I don’t know if/how he’ll respond, but I think it’s the most honest I could’ve been with a boy that I dated for 5 minutes. Take it or leave it.
- L
Monday, January 17, 2011
8 x 5: Speed-dating Round 2
On Tuesday night, three of my girlfriends and I went out for another Speed-Dating "party" because one of the girls who didn't go with us the first time has been trying to get a group together since last spring and we all felt bad putting her off another month. This time, I didn't worry too much about getting to dazzled up because...quite frankly, it was freezing outside and way too chilly to try to look cute.
The venue was in a really nice neighborhood, and the host was not openly flirting with all of the guys who walked in the door. (A plus from last time!) We also made it just in time for the dates and got to avoid the awkward period before the event started of everyone standing around trying desperately *not* to make eye contact with anyone across the room.
8 girls. 8 guys. 5 minutes per date. My picks were:
Curtis: The comedian. My date with him was definitely the most enjoyable one of the evening..simply because he had a wonderful sense of humor and I laughed for most of the evening. Curtis was the extraordinarily extroverted type that I'm attracted to, but is never good for me. He's in the IT field and seemed to have a love/hate relationship with is job. (Hmm, would it be weird, dating another Curtis so soon after the last one?)
Travis: The boy next door. (Do people even say that?) Travis reminded me of the guy from the last event that everyone matched with. He just seemed like a nice boy that any girl would be interested in spending time with. He had a nice mix of seriousness and humor that was charming. He's a graduate student that lives in Galveston.
Terrell: The smart one. Terrell was my second favorite date and not only smart, but also really adorable. He's also a graduate student in Galveston (and good friends with Travis whom he attended the event with). We talked a bit about his research and some about his time living on the East coast...and I just felt really comfortable with him. After the event wrapped up, we got a little more chatting in and I honestly felt that he would be the best match for me, personality-wise.
So, on Wednesday evening....I went home to check my matches and...
...I matched with...
..(drumroll please)...
Terrell!
Two of the girls matched with Travis, and one of those girls also matched with two other guys. Unfortunately, the girl who got everyone out to the event didn't match with anyone. But, luckily, the company offers a free ticket to the next party so that she can go again.
I waited for much of the week to see if Terrell would email me, [while this is a good medium for meeting people, its still a bit disconcerting because you never know if you're just one of multiple matches for someone], and when I didn't hear from him by Saturday afternoon, I broke down and wrote him first.
He wrote back last night, apologizing for not contacting me sooner, and then ended the email with this question, "So, what exactly are you looking for in your next relationship?" I read the question over and over and consulted with a couple of girl friends. It's a hard question to answer to someone who you just went on a 5 minute date with...since my answer could determine the fate of our potential relationship. "How?" You ask. Well, it could go like this:
Me: "I'm looking for a long-term commitment."
Him: "Oh wow. I just got out of something serious, I just want to casually date."
Or like this:
Me: "I'm just looking to casually date right now. I'm really busy with my career."
Him: "Well, we may not be so great together, I'm ready to settle down."
Ugh Terrell! But, the more I thought of the question over night, the more I realized that its an answer I should figure out soon.
- L
The venue was in a really nice neighborhood, and the host was not openly flirting with all of the guys who walked in the door. (A plus from last time!) We also made it just in time for the dates and got to avoid the awkward period before the event started of everyone standing around trying desperately *not* to make eye contact with anyone across the room.
8 girls. 8 guys. 5 minutes per date. My picks were:
Curtis: The comedian. My date with him was definitely the most enjoyable one of the evening..simply because he had a wonderful sense of humor and I laughed for most of the evening. Curtis was the extraordinarily extroverted type that I'm attracted to, but is never good for me. He's in the IT field and seemed to have a love/hate relationship with is job. (Hmm, would it be weird, dating another Curtis so soon after the last one?)
Travis: The boy next door. (Do people even say that?) Travis reminded me of the guy from the last event that everyone matched with. He just seemed like a nice boy that any girl would be interested in spending time with. He had a nice mix of seriousness and humor that was charming. He's a graduate student that lives in Galveston.
Terrell: The smart one. Terrell was my second favorite date and not only smart, but also really adorable. He's also a graduate student in Galveston (and good friends with Travis whom he attended the event with). We talked a bit about his research and some about his time living on the East coast...and I just felt really comfortable with him. After the event wrapped up, we got a little more chatting in and I honestly felt that he would be the best match for me, personality-wise.
So, on Wednesday evening....I went home to check my matches and...
...I matched with...
..(drumroll please)...
Terrell!
Two of the girls matched with Travis, and one of those girls also matched with two other guys. Unfortunately, the girl who got everyone out to the event didn't match with anyone. But, luckily, the company offers a free ticket to the next party so that she can go again.
I waited for much of the week to see if Terrell would email me, [while this is a good medium for meeting people, its still a bit disconcerting because you never know if you're just one of multiple matches for someone], and when I didn't hear from him by Saturday afternoon, I broke down and wrote him first.
He wrote back last night, apologizing for not contacting me sooner, and then ended the email with this question, "So, what exactly are you looking for in your next relationship?" I read the question over and over and consulted with a couple of girl friends. It's a hard question to answer to someone who you just went on a 5 minute date with...since my answer could determine the fate of our potential relationship. "How?" You ask. Well, it could go like this:
Me: "I'm looking for a long-term commitment."
Him: "Oh wow. I just got out of something serious, I just want to casually date."
Or like this:
Me: "I'm just looking to casually date right now. I'm really busy with my career."
Him: "Well, we may not be so great together, I'm ready to settle down."
Ugh Terrell! But, the more I thought of the question over night, the more I realized that its an answer I should figure out soon.
- L
Friday, July 9, 2010
where have I been?
I have been terrible about keeping up with this thing, but in my defense its because, relationship-wise, nothing thrilling has happened to me in the past month, so there hasn't been much to write about. I'm getting kinda discouraged.
the updates:
speed-dating: 2 of the 4 girls that went speed-dating went on dates with boys from the event. I am not one of them. All 4 of us matched with the same guy, and he chose to ask out my one of the other girls. 2 of the girls matched with the same other guy, who asked both of them out...and one of them accepted. I have to say 50% is pretty fair odds, right?
curtis: I still haven't rekindled the friendship with my most recent ex-boyfriend...and I'm still not sure if I'd like to. He's tried Gmail chatting with me a couple of times and has sent a few texts since our last awkward encounter, but I'm still getting this uneasy feeling in my tummy when I think about seeing him. its been 3 months at this point, but I think we need more time.
the wedding: My friends WI wedding was absolutely beautiful! I was worried a bit about traveling alone...well, I guess I shouldn't say "worried" per say, but I was wishing that I had someone to accompany me. But, everything actually turned out really well. I mapped a few art boutiques and restaurants that I wanted to check out and actually appreciated having the freedom to explore alone. On my trip back, I kept thinking about how differently the weekend would have been if I'd gone with a date.
office romance: After my latest non-intentional rejection to Derek, I think that he's completely given up on me. I've tried texting him a bit here and there...and he responds, but just doesn't really ask me to hang out anymore. I don't blame him, I'd give up on me too...but I'm secretly hoping he hasn't completely lost hope that I will hang out with him. But, the surprising twist is that I was texting him from the airport on Sunday and...apparently, he got the dates of the concert mixed up and its actually not until July 24th. I re-invited myself to go with him by saying "if the invitation still stands, I'd love to go" so...it looks like that may possibly be a go in a couple of weeks.
We'll see...
- L
the updates:
speed-dating: 2 of the 4 girls that went speed-dating went on dates with boys from the event. I am not one of them. All 4 of us matched with the same guy, and he chose to ask out my one of the other girls. 2 of the girls matched with the same other guy, who asked both of them out...and one of them accepted. I have to say 50% is pretty fair odds, right?
curtis: I still haven't rekindled the friendship with my most recent ex-boyfriend...and I'm still not sure if I'd like to. He's tried Gmail chatting with me a couple of times and has sent a few texts since our last awkward encounter, but I'm still getting this uneasy feeling in my tummy when I think about seeing him. its been 3 months at this point, but I think we need more time.
the wedding: My friends WI wedding was absolutely beautiful! I was worried a bit about traveling alone...well, I guess I shouldn't say "worried" per say, but I was wishing that I had someone to accompany me. But, everything actually turned out really well. I mapped a few art boutiques and restaurants that I wanted to check out and actually appreciated having the freedom to explore alone. On my trip back, I kept thinking about how differently the weekend would have been if I'd gone with a date.
office romance: After my latest non-intentional rejection to Derek, I think that he's completely given up on me. I've tried texting him a bit here and there...and he responds, but just doesn't really ask me to hang out anymore. I don't blame him, I'd give up on me too...but I'm secretly hoping he hasn't completely lost hope that I will hang out with him. But, the surprising twist is that I was texting him from the airport on Sunday and...apparently, he got the dates of the concert mixed up and its actually not until July 24th. I re-invited myself to go with him by saying "if the invitation still stands, I'd love to go" so...it looks like that may possibly be a go in a couple of weeks.
We'll see...
- L
Saturday, May 22, 2010
note to self
Don't go speed dating with friends....Or better yet, only go speed dating with friends who have a completely different taste in guys. I matched with the sensitive CO boy I'd mentioned below, Darrell. The problem is, however, that so did all three of my other friends.
So, now the dilemma is whether or not one of us should email him first, or wait and see who he picks. Or, we could always go for the third option of going on a group date with him, "Bachelor"-style. Just picture this: we pick up two roses, and all go on a ridiculously elaborate date with him which would of course include a helicopter ride, and lots of champagne. Then the following week...fantasy dates!
"Will you accept this rose?"
-L
So, now the dilemma is whether or not one of us should email him first, or wait and see who he picks. Or, we could always go for the third option of going on a group date with him, "Bachelor"-style. Just picture this: we pick up two roses, and all go on a ridiculously elaborate date with him which would of course include a helicopter ride, and lots of champagne. Then the following week...fantasy dates!
"Will you accept this rose?"
-L
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
7 first dates
I went on seven dates tonight. Well, seven dates, that lasted approximately 8 minutes each. Yes friends, I went speed-dating. On Friday night, after I'd finished putting the final touches on a sewing project, I saw an ad on dear old Facebook for a speed-dating event hosted by this company called DateandDash.com. I emailed 3 close girl friends that I thought would be interested and after transactions were made, and we were all signed up, I couldn't help but to have a minor panic attack thinking, "What have we gotten ourselves into?" or better yet, "What did I get us all into!" I mean, you know me...or maybe you don't know me. But I don't normally DO stuff like this.
But, after shelling out 35 bucks...and remembering my new-found mission, I decided to try to have fun with it.
We all met at a very empty bar where we got our dating numbers, got our rating cards, and made small talk to avoid looking at all of the guys in the room. Literally, it felt like a middle school dance...well, minus the alcohol and minus the sketchy mirrored walls. Picture this: bad music, the girls huddled together talking to one another, the boys huddled together making jokes. Everyone avoiding eye-contact.
One of the guys started flirting with the organizer (I think someone forgot to tell him that she wasn't playing the game.)
8:30 arrived, it was time to begin.. The girls sat down at their respective numbers, the guys joined them, and small talk commenced. The first guy I talked to was the great opener. He was genuine and around the minute 6 mark we discovered that he had come with 3 of his guy friends. (Umm, 4 girl friends, 4 guy friends....can someone cue the camera crew for the cheesy chick-flick plot?) We laughed a little, just started opening up...and *ding!*...Time to switch partners.
Next guy was first the first guy's friend. He acted a bit weird when I asked him what he did for a living, but he explained that he was trying to make his bank job sound more interesting. We covered the basics: job, education, family, etc. I got annoyed when he'd ask a question, and then as soon as I answered, ask the same question again. But, I forgave him. It was a little intimidating knowing that you only had 8 minutes to talk and perhaps a little confusing trying to keep the dates straight.
So, I won't bore you with all the details, but all-in-all it was very fun. Really.
There were a couple of duds like the guy that I had nothing to talk about with, and the overly-religious guy who wouldn't step down from his soap box. And then a couple of gems: the cute guy who confessed to me that he doesn't like scary movies, and the guy from CO who has a close connection with his family.
After date number 7, we turned in half of our date cards (the other half was kept so that we could enter our matches online) we stood around talking to the guy-group and later comparing notes after they left. From the sounds of it, we all fell for one of the guys who wasn't part of the group, so it will be interesting to see if he matches with any of us. The 4/7 probability its looking good in our favor. And it will be interesting to see who, if anyone, matches me at all. I was pretty generous with my selections, choosing 5 of the 7 guys, so I guess, in 72 hours we'll see if anything was meant to be.
secretly waiting,
-L
But, after shelling out 35 bucks...and remembering my new-found mission, I decided to try to have fun with it.
We all met at a very empty bar where we got our dating numbers, got our rating cards, and made small talk to avoid looking at all of the guys in the room. Literally, it felt like a middle school dance...well, minus the alcohol and minus the sketchy mirrored walls. Picture this: bad music, the girls huddled together talking to one another, the boys huddled together making jokes. Everyone avoiding eye-contact.
One of the guys started flirting with the organizer (I think someone forgot to tell him that she wasn't playing the game.)
8:30 arrived, it was time to begin.. The girls sat down at their respective numbers, the guys joined them, and small talk commenced. The first guy I talked to was the great opener. He was genuine and around the minute 6 mark we discovered that he had come with 3 of his guy friends. (Umm, 4 girl friends, 4 guy friends....can someone cue the camera crew for the cheesy chick-flick plot?) We laughed a little, just started opening up...and *ding!*...Time to switch partners.
Next guy was first the first guy's friend. He acted a bit weird when I asked him what he did for a living, but he explained that he was trying to make his bank job sound more interesting. We covered the basics: job, education, family, etc. I got annoyed when he'd ask a question, and then as soon as I answered, ask the same question again. But, I forgave him. It was a little intimidating knowing that you only had 8 minutes to talk and perhaps a little confusing trying to keep the dates straight.
So, I won't bore you with all the details, but all-in-all it was very fun. Really.
There were a couple of duds like the guy that I had nothing to talk about with, and the overly-religious guy who wouldn't step down from his soap box. And then a couple of gems: the cute guy who confessed to me that he doesn't like scary movies, and the guy from CO who has a close connection with his family.
After date number 7, we turned in half of our date cards (the other half was kept so that we could enter our matches online) we stood around talking to the guy-group and later comparing notes after they left. From the sounds of it, we all fell for one of the guys who wasn't part of the group, so it will be interesting to see if he matches with any of us. The 4/7 probability its looking good in our favor. And it will be interesting to see who, if anyone, matches me at all. I was pretty generous with my selections, choosing 5 of the 7 guys, so I guess, in 72 hours we'll see if anything was meant to be.
secretly waiting,
-L
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