what I'm looking for

So, Terrell’s email on Sunday night really got me thinking about what I’m looking for. I guess that if I’m going to have a blog about dating…I should probably be able to answer that pretty easily.

I stopped to think about my past relationships; what they lacked, why they didn’t work out…and everything boiled down to a single word: Companionship

To me, that word always conjures up images of an old unmarried couple that is, like, always together because they treasure their relationship, but don’t want to mess things up by getting married. Strange visual, I know.

This is not what I mean.

Basically, I realized that every single one of my past relationships lacked the strong foundation of a committed friendship which is why they, ultimately, failed. There was nothing to fall back on when the passion was over, or the when the arguments got a little too personal and hit way too close to home. There were never those deep connections and thoughts that—you know, no matter what the circumstance—I’ll truly be there for you. I’ve had these connections in several platonic guy-friendships, but never with a boyfriend. Strange, I know.

What I’m looking for is a companion, an amazing friendship…that is so much more than just a friendship. I want someone to share my life with.

So, in an attempt to not scare the boy off, this was part of my response to Terrell on Monday:

As far as relationships go, I think that I'm really just looking for companionship. And, while that word may have some intense/negative connotations, I guess I just mean that I'm looking for someone to hang out with & explore the city with, cook dinner with occasionally, go to movies with, grab coffee with, talk with, etc. I'm interested in building a good foundation and seeing where the relationship goes.

I think that in some of my previous relationships, I got caught up in the idea of "being in the relationship" or "being with" the other person that the foundational part was seriously lacking.

I don’t know if/how he’ll respond, but I think it’s the most honest I could’ve been with a boy that I dated for 5 minutes. Take it or leave it.

- L