match point

On Sunday I found out that my Tuesday night obligation would be moved to Thursday, so as Eli and I were texting, I asked him if we could switch our tennis game back to Tuesday. He thought it was fine, and I checked the weather which would be 30+ degrees warmer on Tuesday vs. Thursday, so it was definitely a go.

I met him at the tennis club he usually plays at, that happens to be about 5 minutes from where I work. He smiled when he saw me, and we shook hands, before he pulled me in for a quick side hug and we headed for the court. We started out by warming up, hitting a few balls back and forth and talking, and then played about 9 games--because I was desperate to start running around to warm up. We laughed a lot, complimented each other on awesome shots, and Eli beat me...a lot. At one point, I jokingly complained that I was never going to win, and he started fudging the score so that I could get in a win. I'd hit the ball way out of the court, and he'd claim that it was good. I'd call out 15-30, and he wouldn't let me serve until I said 30-15. It was sweet. He told me afterwards that he thought I was a "really good tennis player....just not..." I finished for him, "...consistent." I guess we'll just have to practice more so I can get better, right? :)

After tennis, we headed for dinner and then sat at the restaurant and talked for a couple of hours before we agreed it was getting late and he had to get home to study. We hugged, in a half-side, half-front awkward-kinda-hug, and he pressed his cheek against mine and then we parted ways. Of course, he called to make sure I made it home safely again. So sweet!

We've been texting for the past hour or so, and I have to keep telling myself not to fret and to just let things happen naturally. But people, its hard to not let this bit of excitement go to my head. We're playing tennis again on Sunday, and he just suggested that we start playing together a couple of times each week if we can coordinate our schedules. Oh, and he told me that I make him nervous! Yeah right!

Keeping calm, and carrying on,

L

adventures in online dating part 5: Sweet Eli

I went on an amazing date today with a boy from the interwebs named Eli. Eli and I have been exchanging messages for the past 3 weeks or so, and by Monday I thought that it was time we met up. I messaged him to ask him out for coffee, he accepted, and we met at one of my favorite places at 3 pm. I beat him there, ordered an iced chai latte, and he called a couple of times to (1) tell me he was running about 5 minutes late, and then (2) tell me that he was having a difficult time finding parking.

I settled at a table, and looked up from the Tetris game on my phone, just as he was walking in. We shook hands and talked as he was standing in line for hot chocolate. The first thing I noticed is that he has these amazing medium-brown eyes that I had to keep looking away from, because they were making me nervous (in a girlie-giddy kinda way). We settled in at a new table, started asking and answering those usual first-date kinda questions. Everything felt really comfortable. Eli is from Cameroon and has a deliberate, gentle way of speaking that kinda makes you hang onto his words. Our conversation had a few natural long pauses but, overall, flowed pretty easily.

After our first round of drinks, we decided to walk a couple of blocks to a frozen yogurt place that we'd just discussed liking, and sat and ate yogurt and talked about our families and our future babies (well, not "our" future babies, per say..but how many kids we wanted, where we wanted to live, etc, etc). Then, when the yogurt was consumed, we strolled around for another hour and a half popping in and out of shops and talking, and talking, and talking. Eli and I seem to have similar personalities: we're both relatively reserved, but really great at one-on-one conversations. We quickly developed a rapport with one another which made it easy to joke around throughout the date.

Eventually we made our way back to my car that was parked in front of the coffee shop and he told me that he'd like to ask me for dinner, but that he'd already made plans to meet up with a friend. He, instead, asked me out for dinner on Tuesday night. I told him that I'd be busy on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, so we settled for a tennis match and dinner after work on Thursday (if the weather is nice), or just dinner if it is not. And then we shook hands again, because it seemed like the most appropriate gesture and he watched me get into my car before walking back to his.

He called me about 10 minutes after I got home to make sure that I made it safely and to tell me that he enjoyed our date! And now, Thursday seems so far away...

Please excuse me while I melt!

-L

the BIG update entry

As I warned everyone when this thing started, I haven't been the best about blogging...but I'm working on it. I figure it may just be best to do one big update to catch up and then to try to start writing more regularly, again. Don't hold it against me when you don't hear from me again for another 4 months! ;)

the english wedding: My friend's English wedding was absolutely beautiful and the post-wedding vacation, was one of the greatest travel experiences I've had in a long time. Being a tourist is fun! Being a tourist in an English-speaking country is even more fun! Unfortunately, I didn't find love in England, but it was a blast all the same and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!

adventures in online dating part 4 or "that thing": In my haste of catching up on my online dating experiences, I decided that this guy didn't need a whole entry to himself because he was a jerk and I'm not particularly interested in rehashing everything that happened in great detail. The basics--I met Vince on OkCupid one Saturday morning, we went on our first "dinner & a movie date" the very next day, then I took dinner and a movie to his apartment on Tuesday, and when we talked on Friday and Sunday. I thought things were pretty much over after our talks since we came to the conclusion that we didn't/couldn't agree on a few major issues and neither of us was willing to compromise. He called me out of the blue the next Friday to invite me to a party, we had a good weekend, a couple-y week, and he ended things the following Friday. It all boiled down to him wanting "that thing" and me not wanting to put out. His loss. And if you don't know what "that thing" is ask Ms. Lauyrn Hill.

office romance: The thing with Derek is over. I mean, I realized nothing was really there and I accepted the fact that nothing was ever going to be there...and I'm really comfortable with that conclusion. We've actually become really good friends over the past several months and I hang out with him and Troy and some other work friends on a pretty regular basis. I love that he still randomly texts me and asks me to come out for drinks, and I've had fun introducing him to my non-work friends. We spent the second half (post-midnight) of New Years together and he's asked me to come out a few more times since then.

the past: My ex-boyfriend, Malik, moved back to Houston around Thanksgiving (with the girlfriend in tow), and has not-so-surprisingly been texting & calling me to ask if I want to meet up. I know that "meeting up" is a really bad idea...so I've successfully been turning him down. I'll give him credit for his perseverance, though!

the future: In November, one of my co-workers told me that she's met "my future husband" who happens to be her cousin's son, Mark. She swore up and down for two months that this boy and I would be absolutely perfect for one another and kept trying to think of ways for us to meet. In late December, I told her that it would be easiest if we could just exchange a few emails to get to know one another that way, first, and wouldn't have some awkward introduction. She ended up giving me his email address, and I sent him an "introduction" email on December 20. He didn't write back. I feel like an idiot.

Back to the drawing board.

- L

adventures in online dating part 3: english rendezvous or what happens in england...

I debated about whether or not to put this entry in my "online dating" section because it doesn't exactly fit--but I did meet the guy online...and we did go on, what turned out to be, a date...and so here it is.

The back-story: When I was 14 years old, my family got a little something called the internet. I'm talking about the screeching & screaming dial-up connection that bumped you off-line anytime someone called on the phone. Which, in a family of 6, happened all of the time...until my parents broke down and got a second line. Well, back in my day, the internet was a fun and happy place to explore (Internet predators? What are those?) so, my fellow middle school friends and I spent our evenings in chatrooms chatting with each other and with people that lived all over the world.

One night, middle-school-me met a guy named Dave who was a college student in Scotland. Of course I lied, and told him I was 16 (hey, my 15th birthday was only weeks away) and we started an online friendship. We chatted for a few years, here and there [side note: I was a nerdy kid, but not nerdy enough to not have a real life outside of the internet...] and ended up keeping in touch as I moved, graduated from high school, went off to college, and got my first job. We grew very far apart over the years, usually just checking in with each other every few years with a random email here, or a postcard or Christmas card there. We became Facebook friends about a year ago, and randomly post on each others’ walls once in a while. We often joked about someday meeting up....

The present: So, as I mentioned in a couple of previous posts, I had a wedding in September to go to in England in a little town called Durham that is about 150 miles from the border of Scotland, and about a 3 hour drive from Dave. As the trip drew closer, Dave and I started talking more and more about the possibility of meeting up since we would actually be *so close* and hey, we were both honestly very curious about one another. When my trip itinerary came together, mixed with the wedding event schedule, we discovered that the Friday afternoon prior to the wedding would be the best time to meet up. So we agreed to it in a private Facebook message, just before it was time for me to dash to the airport to make my flight.

In Durham, I told my bride-to-be-friend about the planned rendezvous, and she gave the hardest time. "How can you possibly already have a date 3 days after you get to England?!?" I assured her and reassured her that it was definitely *not* a date, and that it was just going to be two old friends, meeting up for lunch. Nothing more. She assured me (jokingly, of course) that she was going to check-in on us at the coffee shop to make sure he seemed legit, and that he wasn't some crazy serial killer that wasn't going to get off on killing me and throwing my body into the river. Let’s hope not.

The day of the meeting was the day of my friend's bridal brunch. I opted for a cute black dress, a purple cardigan (the weather was beautiful!) and flat black, ballet-type, sparkly shoes. Dave and I made plans to meet at a cute coffee shop in Durham at noon for lunch, and I gave all of the girls my plans—as well as a copy of his picture, his phone number, and his last known address. The plan was that I’d hang out with Dave until about 3 pm (if things went well), and then I’d meet the girls to tour Durham Castle at 3 pm, and we’d make our way back to the church for the wedding rehearsal at 5 pm.

I was incredibly nervous. Dave was driving to Durham. I was ready to bail!

Here's how it went down:
11:58 am: I arrive at the coffee shop to look for Dave—I see no sign of him and decide to race to the loo because I think I just may throw up my entire brunch out of sheer nervousness.
12:07 pm: I thank God that I didn't lose my brunch, and head to the counter to order a drink. Yes, its always good to order first to avoid the awkward "Who's going to pay?" moments...and to have something to keep yourself occupied. I get a blended Italian cream soda and move to a little café table outside.
12:11 pm: Still no sign of Dave. I discover a "Welcome to Durham" travel brochure in my bag. This will keep me busy for a while.
12:16 pm: I finish reading the "Welcome to Durham" travel brochure cover to cover. No sign of Dave. I decide to move to a different seat. This particular coffee shop is on a busy street corner in town. Perhaps he’s walked by a few times and just didn’t see me?
12:28 pm: I bump into my bride-to-be friend and her mother. She's frantically apologizing—she didn’t intentionally stop by to check in on me, the coffee shop is on a busy street corner…but while she’s here…OMG—where is he? Her Mom is there, looking very confused until my friend quickly explains, "She's about to meet a guy she met online thirteen years ago!" And I know her mom is thinking, "Oh, my! What if he’s an internet sexual predator?!? Shouldn’t Chris Hansen be here?"
12:33 pm: I decide to move back to my original table—next to the door. I figure that he’d likely look for me inside, if he didn’t immediately see me outside, and I could always catch him that way.
12:46 pm: I see one of the girls walk by with a few souvenirs in tow and ask her if I can use her iPhone to check my Facebook messages, to see if he’s even still coming. I’d, indeed, received this message from him sent at 9:30 a.m.:
Well, I'm just about to set off. Hopefully I won't be late, but don't panic if I am. I'm sure I won't be too long. I'm wearing a mostly white t-shirt with a bit of blue on it. Well, see you in 2 and a half hours, hopefully.

And, indeed, at about 12:58 pm, I see a skinny, pale, English guy, jogging towards my table, who can only be Dave. He sat down next to me, slightly out of breath and everything just felt…well comfortable.

We commented, of course, on how strange it was to finally meet up, and he got a second wind and asked if I wanted to walk around the town for a bit. I think that we were both just too nervous to eat, so I was definitely up for that option.

We walked along the banks of the river that runs through the town and talked, and talked and talked some more. We caught up on family, work, past relationships, etc. It was literally like a movie: A picturesque, sunny, English day (very rare), the token couple making out on the river banks, and cute conversations.

Scene: Dave and I walking up a steep cobblestone path

Me: Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize we were going to do all of this walking! I totally wore the wrong shoes. My feet are killing me.
Dave: Well, if you can’t make it, I’ll carry you!
Me: You can’t carry me…I’m way too heavy!
Dave: Oh, I can do it. I’m strong! (Dave flexes his non-existent muscles)
Me: Umm…you were supposed to say, “No, you aren’t heavy!”
Dave: Oh, right...can we try it again?

*long pause*

Me: I totally wore the wrong shoes. My feet are killing me.
Dave: Well, if you can’t make it, I’ll carry you!
Me: You can’t carry me…I’m way too heavy!
Dave: You’re not heavy….but I’m also really strong!

Eh, I tried. :) We made our way to Durham Castle and took tons of pictures, and then I dragged him through town as I made my way to little boutiques to pick up souvenirs for my family. Around 2:30 we headed to a coffee shop, for more talking and as 3 pm drew close, we mutually decided that we weren’t ready for the date to end. He figured that if he waited to leave town, rush hour would end and the drive back to Scotland would be easier. I decided that I couldn’t manage the steep cobblestone-y walk back up to the Castle with the girls.

So, we met the girls to (show them that I was still alive and) tell them that I wasn’t going with them, but would instead see them at the church at 5 pm. Dave and I popped into a few bookstores, sports equipment stores, and electronics stores, and at about 4:55, he walked me to the church.

We stood on the curb outside of the church hugging and joking about how we should definitely do it all again…in 13 more years! And then, I pulled away from the hug and we looked into each others’ eyes. I think I said something like, “Umm…should we?...”

And he leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips.

I melted. We said our good-byes again and split ways. We didn’t end up seeing each other again during the trip because with the wedding stuff, and his plans, and my travel itinerary…it just wouldn’t work out. But, it was a really magical day that I will treasure always.

Now, make no mistake, I’m not about to pack up my belongings and move to Scotland. We were really just two old friends who met in England and had this really great day together…and happened to kiss each other because it felt right. But who knows, maybe we'll meet up again in another 13 years...Before Sunrise/Before Sunset - style.

-L

adventures in online dating part 2: Jamaican Tim

I met Jamaican Tim on August 15th after nearly two months of online communication. I think after the crazy date with Jimmy, I was ready to meet someone older, and hopefully much more mature. I'm calling this one Jamaican Tim because he reminded me almost exactly of my best college guy-friend, Tim, except he was this adorable African-Chinese Jamaican guy who, unfortunately, didn't have an accent.

We met at my favorite coffee shop/wine bar so I sipped a glass of sangria while JT settled on black coffee. We had a great time with the classic getting-to-know you first date questions and I was amused by his little Tim-mannerisms...which included long thoughtful pauses in the conversations, and him verbally running through his entire thought process before responding to certain questions. It was charming. After the first date, JT invited me to his work Christmas party (a little premature?) and we made tentative plans for dinner the following weekend.

We talked once during the week--I was greeting card shopping, and the conversation went well until he strangely got weirded out to find out that I was at the grocery store. (Sir, its a little something called multi-tasking.) He rushed me off of the phone, and I declined to ask him out again until I had an art event to attend that I thought he would appreciate.

Date number two started out rocky--he hated said art event, and was super-anxious for a while. Literally pacing the floor at one point. Then, we went out for coffee and had another amazing night of conversation. Since the second date was five nights before my summer trip to England for the wedding, we left off with plans to reconnect when I got back to town in mid-Sept.

We talked a couple of times in late September, and then I just realized that he wasn't going to be the one for me and I let the whole thing fizzle. Lets face the brutal fact: I can't date someone who doesn't take initiative to ask me out...ever. Bye-bye Jamaican Timothy.

-L

adventures in online dating part 1: A little bit of CRAZY

The first date I went on about a month and a half ago was with a guy that I'd like to kindly refer to as "Jimmy from Alabama."

Now Jimmy and I didn't have a long, drawn-out relationship. We literally met online one late Thursday night, chatted on the telephone that same night for about an hour, and a little the next night, and made a date for Sunday evening.

If you know me well, you'd know that I am the type of girl that can point out a red flag when she sees one. You'd also know that on more than one occasion, I've proceeded straight through those very red flags when curiosity has taken over.

Red Flag #1: So, on Sunday afternoon a few hours before the date, Jimmy and I are chatting on the phone. I've got a long drive in front of me and he's calling to confirm that the date is still on and to tell me the name of the restaurant he's chosen for us. Naturally, in the course of our typical get-to-know you questions, I ask if he's got a roommate or if he lives alone. He tells me that its an "interesting and long" story. I tell him, that I've got the time.

He proceeds to explain that when he moved to Texas in the Spring, his ex-girlfriend wanted to move down with him. He says that he figured that she could help out with the rent and other bills and decided that the move-in would be a good idea.

I ask, "So you've got a cute two bedroom, split floor plan apartment so that you never see her and forget that your ex is living with you, right??"....I'll let you guess his response.

Red Flag #2: Dinner is at 6 and I call him around 5 to double-confirm our date. It's still on. I get pretty and head for the door. As I approach, my cell phone rings. "Jimmy" pops up on a caller ID, along with a second phone number that I do not recognize. Jimmy hangs up suddenly, and the mystery caller is waiting on hold. I answer, hesitantly, and I hear a woman's voice which says, "Hey, Jimmy asked me to call you. He's going to be running a little late."

Me: "Who is this?"
Mystery Caller: "This is Andrea, who is this?....umm, I mean, is this Elena?"
Me: *hangs up*

Dialing Jimmy's number

Me: Hey Jimmy...
Jimmy: Hey there, whats up? I'm about half-way there!
Me:...who's Andrea?
Jimmy: Oh, that's my ex-girlfriend, why do you ask? Wait, how did you know her name?
Me: Well, Andrea just called and told me that you asked her to call to say that you were running late.
Jimmy: I'm not running late! I'm almost there!
Me: Did you ask her to call me?
Jimmy: No, of course not! I mean, I told her that I was going on a date, but I didn't give her your number or anything.
Me: Really? Well, then how does this girl have my number?
Jimmy: I don't know! Maybe she looked at our joint phone account online [Red Flag #3] and found your number?
Me: I don't know what to say.
Jimmy: Listen, I realize that I've put you in an incredibly awkward situation. If you don't want to go out tonight, I'll understand..
Me: Ugh! I don't know. On one hand, I just spent an hour getting ready and I'd been really excited to meet you. On the other hand, I'm not interested in the drama. I'm not that type of person and I'm just weirded out right now.
Jimmy: I can at least promise you that she won't do anything crazy to you, but the choice is still yours.
Me: Ok, I guess I'm on my way, but I'll be a bit late now.

So, I drive towards the restaurant and try to call two of my girls friends whom I'd talked to the date about. I was counting on one of them to talk me out of going. But, alas, neither friend answered. I proceeded onward.

As I approached the restaurant, I heard my phone chime to alert me of this text message:
"Its okay that you hung up on me. But, I was just passing along a phone message. I hope that you two have a really great time tonight!

I walk into the restaurant, cell-phone in hand, and spot a guy who can only be Jimmy, sitting near the door and fiddling with his phone. He is attractive in a nerdy sort of way and he looks up and smiles when he spots me. At this point, I'm feeling a combination of annoyance and anger over the crazy girl, and I think I literally opened with, "Umm, so Andrea just texted me..."

He greets me, looking uncomfortable, and the hostess leads us to our table. Small talk ensues. I'll admit that I was pretty closed as we started talking, still feeling puzzled and annoyed, but the more we talked, the more I warmed up and started to let my guard down. By the end of the meal, I was smiling and laughing so, when he asked me if I'd be up for going to a movie, I easily said, "Yes."

He followed me in his car to the theater, and as I parked and started walking up to the building, my cell phone starts blowing up. I received 4 phone calls all in a row from...guess who? Andrea! Needless to say, I am pissed at this point!

He walked up to greet me and I immediately stopped him and said, "What is going on? Are you married? Engaged? Do you have a baby with her? Why is this crazy girl contacting me??"

So, Jimmy starts stammering and trying to explain. His Southern accent is in full effect. He tells me that he lived with Andrea in AL before moved down to Houston. She wanted to come to live with him, even though they were having major relationship issues. He agreed to let her come, but claims that he warned her that he wasn't going to work on the relationship. Although, he did admit that he thinks those were her intentions.

From there we talked a lot about this seemingly disturbed girl, about what it would take for him to transfer his lease to another apartment, etc. He told me that she's apparently psycho-called one of his female friends before, after stealing his phone...so I'm not the first. Great.

Needless to say, we missed the movie, but we eneded up heading to a fast-food, sit-down place for root beer floats and more talking. He kept repeating, "I feel like I'll never see you again after everything that's happened tonight." I told him that, no matter what, I thought he needed to get is life in order (i.e. ditch the crazy ex) if he ever wanted to ask me out again. Crazy Andrea texted me a few more times at the end of the night, but I thankfully haven't heard from her since that night.

I called it off about a week later since I'm fairly certain that he's not going to get his stuff in order anytime soon. He seemed to understand, but then called me back about 30 minutes later to ask if we could try things again if he finally got his life sorted out. I told him maybe. I'm glad the crazy has been put to bed for now.